365 Days

It's kinda awkward to start writing again. So yeah, 2018 was a very amazing year where I decided to recreate the narrative of my own story. Recreating here doesn't mean you have to change everything in your life. For sure, we definitely won't be able to change the past. I know, there are some of us hate on how we started our life, but we often forget that somehow past can shape us into a better version of ourselves now. Recreating here is like reincarnation. Love yourself like you are born again and what you do now will determine what your past will look like in the future. Explore the world, learn and find your own life. 

To be honest, 2018 was a year that I wish I could live in that year again. There are so many uncountable and unforgettable moments happened in this year. 2018 was a year where I realize that adulting is hard. Adulting is the stage where you understand why family is your number one priority. It's like you are ready to die starving to keep them alive. Adulting is the stage where you filter your friends, you keep what's best and avoid what's bad - anything that can destroy you. You can make as more friends as you wish, but keep the ones that you can get along, the ones that you can share everything with. 

2018 was a year where I believe a good man still exists. Actually this entry should be written on 7th January, which remarks the 365th days I'm with him. Yes, him. I never expected I could love someone this hard. He is miles away from me, but I swear distance is the reason why my feeling keeps escalating towards him. It's very suffocating to miss someone that you can't be able to touch his face or hold his hands. Love is the reason why we are still together. He never showered me with wealth or any fancy gifts. Yet he never let my stomach empty, he never let me cry alone. When I get my hair cut, he notices. When I cry, he is the one who tells me everything is alright even if the world is against me. Have you ever experienced of loving someone and even if he hurts you, you still keep loving him? No matter how many times you fight, you both are still together? I guess it's called love. 

Until today, the place that I hate the most is airport. The moment when I wave him for the last time is very heartbreaking. It's like you want to run towards him, hug and never let go. What I can do is nothing, except pray he's always protected wherever he is. Between two conditions, I choose both family and him. I do believe that one day, we all will be united, you and I, my family and yours. 

Much love,

Nuraini