I am glad that you finally found the happiness you will never have if I were to be a part of your life. It is good to know that you are doing just fine after removing hindrance of your contentment - me. It is a mixed feeling that I am having now because I wish you were gentler enough in doing that - in controlling the situation yet remaining us to be the same. Your judgement towards my life hits me so hard because I now realize, all these time was pouring my heart out to you was never something you took seriously. All you see was the petals of roses and the thorns, you disregard.
I wish I had the eyes through you in our first argument - when your point of view towards my value and self was clearly shown. I wish all those time I was trying to put a smile on you through all the good times I prepared so much for, was the time I use for something else that is not about you. Because the pain you made me bear was as much as the affection I have for you. And I am still hating myself knowing that I would choose you over anything else always, now and anytime.
My love and affection for you are in battle with my demon that you provoke. One time I would say I will come running and begging for you if that is what you would want, and one time I would say a sight of you is nothing I will cherish nor I would care about. Because once again, the battle between these feelings I have for you is never ending. Guess you are really that something my adult self would be grateful not to be introduced to, someone that my younger self was stupid enough to care for with all her heart.
Much love,
Nuraini
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